Happy {Birth}day

My O, my how times have changed! On Sept. 10, 2005 I woke up early and got ready for a BIG day of drinking and partying. I was in college and it was that time of year...fraternity bid day {this is before our campus passed "dry bid day" rules=no alcohol allowed}. Yes, fraternity bid day is the day when all the rushees are placed into a house. A day when us sorority girls go to "support" our frat friends by getting a T-shirt from every frat house at 9am and getting a drink {or 3} from every house. It's a day to drink and party from 9am to 2am the next day {or at least it was when I was in school}.

Looking back I see the stupidity in it all, and at the same time I see God's sovereignty. {I know what you're thinking...drunkenness and God's sovereignty? What?} 6 years ago today, I met my husband. It was his last semester of college and he was over fraternity parties, but he went to the nightly bid day festivities because his brother begged him to go. Yep, I met my husband at the Delta Sig frat house that night. From that night on Mr. Big and I were inseparable.

God is sovereign. It wasn't until late August of 2008 that God called me to Himself and opened my heart so that I might be saved. God allowed me, in His sovereignty, to live my life the way I wanted for 23 years before giving me salvation/eternal life. {Mr. Big was saved, praise God that He saved BOTH of us, 3 months after me}

My O my, how times have changed! Today, Sept. 10, 2011, I woke up early and started to have a passionate discussion with my husband about "why don't more Christians just read their Bibles not to study a specific topic, but just to read to spend time with God--to know His heart and character?". I literally want to die laughing because if you had asked me 6 years ago about my faith I would have said that I was a "Christian", but I lived my life far from it, and I wanted no part of God. "Live my life now, repent later" was basically my philosophy.

Sept. 10th holds 2 powerful celebrations for me. 1) It was the day I met Mr. Big; 2)It's the day I celebrate my re-birth--my birth as the daughter of God, and bride of Christ. Looking back on the past 3 years with God in my life I am overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness. I'm so thankful that God chose me, that He wants me, that He loves me, and that I have done absolutely NOTHING to earn or deserve this.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year. For the past 3 years, I've been plugged in with a women's Bible study {we practice Matt Chandler's "How to Study the Bible: 101"} where we read our Bible's for the sole purpose of spending time with God, walking with Him, abiding in Him...the most essential thing for a Christian's life. I'm really excited for this fall's readings because we are in Exodus and John. One semester we studied the book of Judges, and Judges has become my favorite Old Testament book, because God used Judges to reveal His heart to me. Weird, I know...because Judges seems like a book about God's wrath, but God used it to break the false idea that I had of Him and my doubts and replaced it with the Truth. {I'll have to share that story another time} So, I'm excited to see what God will reveal through Exodus because it's a book about a lot of suffering....and I know God has more to say than just that.

So, Happy Sept. 10th to you! I pray that God will call each of you into a relationship with Himself!

My testimony {I had to write and read my testimony when I was baptist at The Village Church}:

I was raised in a Christian household & when I was 11 I was scared that I would go to hell so I accepted Jesus & got baptized, but I don’t think I truly was saved because there was no change in me or desire to know God or obey him, or have a relationship with him. At 13 I began to struggle with depression, body image, and self esteem issues. Counseling didn’t work and the struggle deepened in high school. Throughout my youth there was a subtle hardening of my heart toward God, I silently blamed him for my depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem. I began to fill the pain and ache and loneliness with sin in my life. I was searching for happiness however temporary it would be and at whatever cost, no matter how damaging it was or how hurtful it was for God to watch me choose my sin and adultery over him. The footholds I had given to sin in my life grew worse in college with all of my freedoms and I was slowly being swallowed by shame and guilt. On the outside I tried to pretend everything was perfect, and there were parts of my life that were good, but I lived with shame and guilt and the feeling that I was a dirty person, a failure, and worthless, and there was a haunting feeling that something was missing.

In late August of 2008, shortly after my college graduation and marriage, I began reading a book my Christian counselor had given me 3 years previously, called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. That’s when everything changed. God called me to himself from that book. He opened my heart to receive and believe his word, and he gave me the ability to let go of hiding and the shield I built around my heart. I prayed that day and asked Jesus to come into my life, I asked him to forgive me for my sins, my rebellion, my running and hiding, and I turned my life over to him to be my Lord and Savior. Literally after that moment there was a burning desire to know God deeply. Through this past year and a half God has freed me from depression, and has begun to heal my wounds. I know I still have a long way to go, but I’m just joyful to know that what God offers right now is an intimate relationship with him. I thank you God for not giving up on me, for not accepting my rejection of you as my final answer and for your love and pursuit of me even though I was filthy and full of sin. I love you with all my heart and soul and I am yours forever.